In the previous blog post, we explored the concept of the client’s window of tolerance and its significance in trauma therapy. Building on that foundation, this blog post shifts the focus to the therapist’s window of tolerance.
In trauma therapy, and especially in EMDR, we spend a lot of time thinking about whether our clients are inside their window of tolerance. But we don’t often ask a critical follow-up question: Are we?
Therapists, like clients, have nervous systems with our own context and history and are not impervious to what happens in the therapy room.
The therapeutic relationship is co-regulatory. Your nervous system is part of the healing process. When you’re grounded, the space feels safer. When you’re overwhelmed, that safety can falter.
The Hidden Pressure to “Cope”
Many clinicians carry an unspoken belief that we must tolerate anything that comes up in session. We confuse unconditional positive regard with emotional invulnerability. But the truth is that hearing intense, disturbing, or familiar material can activate us. If we ignore our own internal state, we risk becoming:
- Emotionally flooded or shut down
- Over-controlling in session structure or direction
- Disconnected from the client
- Exhausted or burnt out
When we’re outside of our window of tolerance, we may be present in body but not fully available to the work.
Memory Networks—Not Just for Clients
EMDR helps clients access and reprocess traumatic memory networks. But therapists have memory networks, too. The stories we hear may touch our own unresolved experiences, core beliefs, or personal history—consciously or not.
Over time, this exposure can build up. Our emotional bandwidth can shrink, especially if we’re:
- Dealing with personal stress or fatigue
- Overloaded with complex cases
- Isolated from supervision or peer support
How Do I Know If I’m In My Window?
You may be within your window if:
- You feel calm and present and in observation mode during sessions
- You’re able to think clearly and respond flexibly
- You recover quickly after emotionally intense work
You may be outside your window if:
- You feel anxious, scattered, irritable, or disconnected
- You experience emotional hangovers after sessions
- You dread seeing certain clients
- You find yourself shutting down emotionally or “numbing out”
- You find yourself focussed more often on what to say and do next before your client has even finished their responses
- You start avoiding offering EMDR as a treatment option
Your Window Can Change Over Time
No person’s capacity is static. It fluctuates depending on life circumstances, stress levels, support systems, and personal history. What felt manageable last month may feel overwhelming now. Awareness is key.
How to Stay Inside Your Window
- Do your own EMDR or therapy. Work on your own memory networks.
- Use case consultation. Talk about emotional impact, not just protocol questions.
- Practice somatic regulation. Breathing, movement, grounding—all help widen the window.
- Monitor your caseload. Trauma work is heavy. Protect your capacity.
- Stay aware of your Allostatic load – things that happen outside the therapy room can make you more or less able to manage your own window of tolerance.
- Know your signs. Develop a felt sense of when you’re shifting out of balance.
Your Window Matters Too
The therapeutic relationship is co-regulatory. Your nervous system is part of the healing process. When you’re grounded, the space feels safer. When you’re overwhelmed, that safety can falter.
Your wellbeing isn’t a luxury—it’s a clinical necessity. Being inside your window is what allows you to do this work not just ethically, but sustainably.
EMDR training can be undertaken by a range of clinical disciplines. I invite you to join us in learning EMDR. Course details and eligibility can be found on our EMDR training page.
Have more questions about EMDR? Read some of our previous blog posts or head over to our page of Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)!
